The Psychological Impact of Returning to Work After Motherhood
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A topic that receives relatively little attention is the emotional distress many women experience when returning to work after childbirth. For some mothers, returning to work can create feelings of guilt, sadness, and internal conflict. They may feel as though they are abandoning their child in order to fulfill their professional obligations, and that they must choose between their career and their motherhood. This is even despite knowing that returning to work is probably financially necessary. This psychological phenomenon is often referred to as “maternal guilt”, and it arises due to the difficulty of balancing the responsibilities of employment and motherhood simultaneously. Maternal guilt is defined as feelings of self-blame or inadequacy when mothers feel they are not spending enough time with their newborn due to work commitments. Additionally, this is paired with the societal expectation that a “good mother” must sacrifice other aspects of her life to achieve that title, adding to the emotional toll.
Many mothers begin forming an intense emotional bond with their child during pregnancy, which generally amplifies after birth. Throughout the pregnancy, the two are physically connected. After birth, that physical bond frequently develops into an emotional attachment. As mothers form their routines around caring for their child, spending prolonged periods of time separated becomes very emotionally challenging. They spend months revolving their lives around responding to their infant’s needs, making returning to work and diverting from that routine a very complex transition. For some women, this transition can be so difficult that it changes their career decisions. Research shows that 43% of mothers decide to leave their jobs, despite 70% of women having the desire to return to their jobs. These figures highlight the internal conflict many mothers encounter.
Given the close bond mothers form with their children, it is reasonable that some mothers experience separation anxiety alongside this bond when returning to work. This manifests itself as symptoms of intense guilt, hypervigilance, catastrophic thinking and even mood swings. Moreover, according to attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, infants also form strong attachments to their primary caregivers. Given that strong attachment, mothers develop a powerful feeling of responsibility due to potentially never having been relied on this much, making it understandable that both mother and child feel distress when separated. This emotional conflict can leave mothers questioning whether they are prioritising their careers at the expense of their child’s wellbeing, contributing to the experience of maternal guilt.
While separating from their child is one of the emotional challenges mothers face, there are also some logical ones. Many mothers must also navigate the demands of being able to balance both their maternal and professional responsibilities, creating the feeling of having two full-time jobs. This may result in a concept called work-family conflict, which occurs when the requirements of one responsibility affect the mother’s ability to fulfill the second one to her normal standard. In this case, this may occur when professional obligations limit the amount of time and energy available for the child, or when childcare creates difficulties in being able to engage fully within their careers. As a result, many women begin to gain feelings of inadequacy in both roles, causing a sense of unfulfillment in two main aspects of life.
Another factor influencing “maternal guilt’ is postpartum depression, a form of depression many women experience resulting from hormone imbalances after pregnancy, along with biological, psychological and social factors. It is one of the most serious obstacles women face after pregnancy.
Postpartum depression is a mood disorder characterized by symptoms of persistent sadness, loss of interest, feelings of worthlessness and anxiety. While returning to work is not the cause of postpartum depression, the disorder could be an influencing factor for how women cope with the transition back to their jobs. The additional symptoms of postpartum depression may intensify the feelings of stress and emotional exhaustion experienced within the process of balancing roles as a mother and an employee. Nevertheless, there are some positive aspects to returning to work. Employment amplifies one’s sense of identity and, for women, allows them to remain connected to other aspects of themselves whilst remaining a mother. This also allows for more personal growth and social connection. For some mothers, this could lead to achieving a firmer belief in themselves and their abilities, leading to higher confidence levels and a sense of fulfillment. Therefore, the experience of returning to work is not universally negative, as some women may find it empowering and beneficial.
Firstly, communicating your feelings of distress with partners is very important. This helps with dividing parental roles more equally and just to be able to vent in a healthy way. Advocating for oneself at work is also essential to express individual needs and arrange for more flexibility in one’s terms of employment. Finally, mothers realizing the importance of quality time and not the quantity of time spent with a child creates more meaningful interactions, leading to higher levels of satisfaction.
To summarize, returning to work is both an emotional and practical adjustment for many mothers everywhere. The strong attachment formed between a mother and her child, the societal pressures behind being considered a good mother and the pressures of balancing professional and maternal responsibilities can all contribute to feelings of guilt and anxiety. This highlights the need for many places of work to consider adapting their policies to acknowledge these psychological challenges. Examples to promote a healthier outlook on the process of returning to work include: more flexible work arrangements, remote work options, gradual return-to-work programs, workplace childcare support, or improved parental leave policies. Through this, mothers could become one step closer to being able to successfully navigate both their professional and maternal obligations. Ultimately, supporting working mothers should not involve forcing them to choose between career and family, but rather creating environments where they are able to successfully balance both.
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Jana Gaber
Undergraduate Student in Psychology at Northeastern University London
Trainee within thw framework of the Intern Abroad Program
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References
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